The Most Recent Topics (limited to 100)

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1
A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates
Posted Yesterday at 06:07 pm by Mave in Jokes
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A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates when God comes out to greet them.

"Usually I wouldn't let any of you girls in, but I'm having a good day. I'll give you all a deal. If you can climb my 1000 stair staircase and listen to a joke at each step without laughing I'll let you in." They all agree.

The brunette loses at the 100th step. The red head loses at the 500th step. The blonde makes it to the 999th step and begins to laugh hysterically . God asks her "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

She replies "I just got the first one."
2
Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.
Posted Yesterday at 06:05 pm by Mave in Jokes
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If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
3
How do you drown a hipster?
Posted December 14, 2017, 10:28 by Mave in Jokes
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Throw him into the mainstream.
4
With great reflexes...
Posted December 13, 2017, 08:14 by Mave in Jokes
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Comes great response ability.
5
My wife says that I only have 2 major faults
Posted December 12, 2017, 10:38 by Mave in Jokes
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I don't listen, and something else
6
My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.
Posted December 11, 2017, 04:59 by Mave in Jokes
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Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.
7
I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
Posted December 07, 2017, 08:05 by Mave in Jokes
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I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
8
As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero
Posted December 07, 2017, 08:04 by Mave in Jokes
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The Invisible Man
9
A math professor leaves a note for his wife
Posted December 05, 2017, 08:12 by Mave in Jokes
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A math professor leaves a note for his wife that reads as follows:

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that I have rented a hotel room with one of my 18 year old students. I will be home before midnight.

When he gets home around 11:45, he finds a note waiting for him that reads as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be in a hotel room with our 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
10
I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office
Posted December 04, 2017, 11:19 by Mave in Jokes
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I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.
I think he must be plotting something.
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