The Most Recent Topics (limited to 100)

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11
My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.
Posted December 11, 2017, 04:59 by Mave in Jokes
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Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.
12
I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
Posted December 07, 2017, 08:05 by Mave in Jokes
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I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
13
As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero
Posted December 07, 2017, 08:04 by Mave in Jokes
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The Invisible Man
14
A math professor leaves a note for his wife
Posted December 05, 2017, 08:12 by Mave in Jokes
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A math professor leaves a note for his wife that reads as follows:

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that I have rented a hotel room with one of my 18 year old students. I will be home before midnight.

When he gets home around 11:45, he finds a note waiting for him that reads as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be in a hotel room with our 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
15
I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office
Posted December 04, 2017, 11:19 by Mave in Jokes
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I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.
I think he must be plotting something.
16
Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Posted December 04, 2017, 11:16 by Mave in Jokes
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Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
17
How much does Santa's sleigh cost?
Posted November 30, 2017, 05:35 by Mave in Jokes
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$0, it's on the house.
18
Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell
Posted November 28, 2017, 08:30 by Mave in Jokes
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Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says:

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." Paul is suddenly whisked away, clawing the ground as he is dragged off.

Bob stands alone in the room, quaking with fear, when Kate Upton walks in! He can't believe his luck! Suddenly, the voice says,

"Kate! You have sinned!"
19
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
Posted November 28, 2017, 08:30 by Mave in Jokes
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There would be mass confusion.
20
Most people are shocked when they find out...
Posted November 27, 2017, 07:54 by Mave in Jokes
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...how incompetent I am as an electrician.
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