The Most Recent Topics (limited to 100)

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
1
One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away
Posted October 19, 2017, 04:21 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
He's a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other.
Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them.
After pondering the matter, he takes them to an appraiser. Not too long later the appraiser calls him: "I've finished my analysis, and I've got some good news. There's no doubt at all that what you have is a genuine Van Gogh and a genuine Stradivarius."
The man is ecstatic: "I can sell these for millions!" The appraiser says "Well, you can sell them, and they'll fetch some money for their novelty value. But not millions. You see, the truth is, Stradivarius wasn't much of a painter... and Van Gogh made lousy violins."
2
I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier.
Posted October 18, 2017, 03:09 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."
3
I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters
Posted October 17, 2017, 11:20 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.
My lighthouse, my rules.
4
"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend
Posted October 16, 2017, 01:08 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
"And I love you tons" I replied. "Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily. Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.
5
I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.
Posted October 16, 2017, 01:08 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
6
Son, you were adopted
Posted October 12, 2017, 06:54 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
7
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall
Posted October 12, 2017, 06:53 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
8
North Korea has a new war game
Posted October 12, 2017, 06:51 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers
9
After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.
Posted October 12, 2017, 04:27 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
My address, my job, my phone number...
10
Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
Posted October 11, 2017, 03:49 by Mave in Jokes
Dear guest please register in order to reply to topics. Having an account will unlock all forum features.
But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10